dmacsblog

Killough Massacre Sight

2010-06-26T07:09:00.003-05:00

Not long after I met my fiancee our first "date" was to the site of the Killough massacre in 1838.
The Killough family, along with the Woods and Williams family, settled in the piney woods of Cherokee Co. in 1837 after a 600 mile trip. There was tension between the whites and the Indians in those days because the Texas government reniged on a treaty that would let the land be theirs.
On Oct. 6 the settlers were taking up the last of their corn crop. Out of the woods they came, the indians, a few former slaves and some Mexicans.
Many of the family were killed on the spot and others were dragged away. There were survivors.
To stand at the remote spot of the massacre in the peace and quiet of the woods, and in your mind you re-enact the scene as it might have played out. For more on the massacre go to http://www.tshaonline.org/handbook/online/articles/KK/btk1.html

Through the Time Portal

2010-06-12T05:47:00.003-05:00

This pic was taken on the 2nd floor of a building on the downtown square of my hometown while visiting a quilt show a few weeks ago. It was a JC Penneys back in the '60s when I was growing up and Mom would take me in there for clothes, but the 2nd floor was off limits. It is now an antique store.
These windows were there back in the 1800s and all through the early years of my life, as was the old staircase in the back, the handrail, the floor, etc. That's how I am.
The old town is just a shadow memory. The old timers who were notable in those days have passed on, along with my Mom and Dad. I doubt if anyone is still living who can tell you of the days when most activity was on the downtown square and everyone knew each other. Now its mostly out on the highway.
Scroll down below to "Salad Days" for more thoughts on my hometown.

Scottsville, Texas

2010-03-27T06:22:00.003-05:00

My friend took me to a small elusive town in the piney woods of east Texas called Scottsville. Even though I drove, I would not be able to find it on my own again.

It was founded by a large plantation and slave owner in the 1800s (google Scottsville, Tx) and the family has it's own ornate cemetary. Many stones are prepped with an early version of the Confederate flag, perhaps because they served in the Civil War. Many graves are of infants.

There is a small chapel there it was closed and I took a sneak shot through a small front window of the interior.

2010-03-27T06:17:00.002-05:00

The 3rd and 4th images show a hole and tube going through the slabs. Back in those days the interned weren't necessarily dead yet so they would put a tube through the slab and into the coffin in case the "deceadent" woke up and a cry of help could be heard from within.

2010-03-27T06:09:00.004-05:00

Keep Your Seat

2010-01-23T05:54:00.001-06:00

"Keep your seat".
That's what Dad would say when he walked in and saw me sitting in HIS recliner, when I went home to visit Mom and Dad.
Dad died on January 11, 2005.
And with his passing went not only a father but the last of a dying breed. The geezers you see in corner coffee shops sipping coffee with his buddies and starting stuff. No profanity and foul mouthing like nowadays.
Dad was a minister for the penitentiary system in my hometown. I remember his "preacher's strut". He would walk with his head pushed forward and reach his legs out deliberately in front of him with his assorted books or briefcase in his hand. I once picked on him about that because I could see him doing that while walking down the hallway inside the women's prison unit, I could see him from a hundred yards away in the duplex we lived in across the way. He denied he walked that way but Mom backed me up right in front of him.
Dad's big deal was Christian character in the community. He lived it and taught it. If you even said "benign" cuss words like the "d" word or the "h" word in front of him he would rip a hole in you. Nowadays you have preachers saying those words from the pulpit.
Dad never had a lot to say to me except "I want to watch the ballgame" to wit he would reach over and turn the tv channel over on me. He had to watch every ballgame on tv, even if it was some far gone college like Iola State. What did Iola State have to do with him? Nothing, but it was a football game.
Dad was the Sphinx Behind the Newspaper. I sometimes wonder why he wouldn't communicate with us kids.
I connect Dad with cars in my head. He had a penchant for big Ford cars in the seventies. Those cars happen to be "cold natured" cars. I remember him cranking them up early in the morning on cold winter days so he could take us to school. It would take a seeming eternity for them to warm up.
Dad had an odd taste in cars. He once bought a Plymouth Satellite which I think he made for himself. He would later let me drive it when I was learning how. I liked that car of all he had.
He knew nothing of cars and didn't want to learn. He stressed over cars not starting or messing up on him.
In his leisure time he would have with his crowd at the coffee shop on the downtown square.
He would smell lof Aqua Velva and walk around in white shirt and slacks with a golf jacket and the hat that fellers wore in those days. A wise cracker he would nail someone if he got the chance in a good natured way.
He took us to a variety of movies growing up. I remember Bonnie and Clyde, Ben Hur, and he took me to The Poseidon Adventure. I let him know that I liked that one.
Dad never missed a football game that I marched in when I was a marching band geek. And he and mom attended some of the marching contests. I remember him telling Mom that his dad never came to anything he did.
In his retirement years he spent time with Mom and his grandkids while living in apartment complexes. Another of his peeves was taking care of a house, which he never wanted to do, and didn't have to do while working for the prison. I miss the gatherings at their place with his grandkids and everyone else.
He was the man about town, at the courthouse, the coffee shop, the credit union, the post office.
He would mail me the town newspaper, and as I went through the papers I would see where he had circled a person's picture with a pen and off to the side wrote "nut" or "idiot". There was no grey areas with Dad.
The interplay between him and Mom was interesting. He was on a strict diet because of cholestorol and was always trying to pull something over on Mom when she wasn't looking. She would slap his wrist and say "you can't have that". He would say "aw".
I still regret not talking to him much. I just didnt' know how. Sometimes I was abrupt. Looking back I think he may have been a bit afraid if I would pop off. I think he was more shy than I thought at the time.
Since his passing, others in the community that he associated with have passed also. Now the town is just a remnant of what was, with him and his friends no longer a part of the downtown square community.
He was a man of Christian character. I fail to be what he was to this day.
He and Mom are together now. I wonder if he knows about my new car? Cars were on him mind with reference to me. He always asked if my truck was running good.
He is drinking coffee, Chock Full O Nuts? (The Heavenly Coffee) and maybe annoying Mom with hsi wisecracks.
We'll all be together someday.
Miss you Dad.

Salad Days

2009-10-25T06:59:00.000-05:00

My first real job was full time at a medium sized east Texas university in my hometown as a tech for the energy management department. I was there from '80 - '87. Seven great years. I was a young squirt full of energy and mischief out on my own for the first time.My job was to maintain building temperatures within energy management and comfort levels. It was mostly pneumatic controls and chilled water/hot water systems. I loved so much of it. From wall thermostats to mixing boxes, variable air boxes, hot/cold water valves and air compressors. Hot and cold deck controllers. Calibration and installation and replacement/repair therewith.Handling temperature complaints from occupants could be a drag but I liked the rest of it. I had most of the campus to deal with. The west side was the older more historical side and had electric controls and steam heat. It was hard to maintain comfort levels in these delapidated brick buildings with steam but I loved the smell of fresh steam in the maintainance rooms at 6 in the morning on cold wintery days. The pipes would knock when the steam first came into the building.The east side was more modern, with buildings that popped up in the '60s. These were chilled/hot water and not steam. One notable memorable event was the total decimation of the Old Main building, which was destroyed by fire under surreptitious circumstances in I think 1981. That was a great historical building, with features that simply cannot be replicated this day. There was talk of rebuilding it but there's just nobody out there that could replicate the woodwork, windows, etc. I used to climb into the attic of that building and see soda cans dating back to the '30s that had never been cleaned out.It was the age of new wave music and punk rock and many students had the hair and clothing styles of the day. I played the role of mainainance man to the max, with my green uniform and cap and scraggly beard.I liked the variety of the buildings and the equipment I had to work on. I quit because of seedy politics. Competance didn't matter, just getting close to the boss and sucking up, which I never did. We had the worst supervisor at the west plant, he was just out for his own ass.I got sick of it.What compelled me to write this bit was the deaths of 3 old workmates in the past couple years, two within two months. They were from a town of mostly Polish descent and did a lot of hunting and fishing. What they ate came from the woods or stream, or from the ground. They only went to the store for salt and pepper and ketchup I think. And beer. Plenty of beer.Those were my beer days too.I have forgotten the bad stuff that led to my demise there. Now I just remember the good times at the plant with the fellers. The roaring boilers in the winter, the screaming chillers in the summer, the whine of the pumps in the penthouses.
That was 22 years ago.
But I will cherish those 7 years forever.

Bach's St. Matthew Passion

2009-10-02T19:22:00.008-05:00

I am a fan of Bach all around, but lately I've become downright hooked on his St. Matthew Passion.
This is a 3 hour gig, by the way. I just listen to bit excerps on the stereo when driving in my car.
Below are a few of many chorals in the piece.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s6JfNREAgo&feature=related about 10 minutes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4JYwbWwNSs&feature=fvw about 7 minutes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSVFQTT9Lww&feature=related about 2 minutes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScyrmYez6h0&feature=related about 9 minutes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnZt5iXvGg8&feature=related 6 minutes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEsjbpnUh1U&feature=related about 4 minutes

And the stultifying last two movements.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXPpiXdpIq4

Handel, go fly a kite, you're outta here.

Mary, please come home

2009-09-21T16:23:00.002-05:00

You're 500 miles away. We feel it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwB2A9HHaCU&feature=related

Thank you Mary Travers

2009-09-19T14:07:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/user/slims86

Favorite YouTube videos--Baby Boomers Only

2009-08-21T21:52:00.003-05:00

Here's my favorite baby boomer classics on youtube:
first but not best, The Guess Who just a few years ago. Original members, fat but still got it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZVzH5yBFQA

The Association

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3K2AKPmvV8&feature=PlayList&p=57221D0026BEFE51&index=0&playnext=1

The Seekers. What a beautiful girl Judith was

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ga9Bs4fzSY

And my favorite: Spanky and The Gang. I love Elaine "Spanky" McFarlaine what a beautiful girl with the big voice

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OsfzU_XRas&NR=1

Go, Spanky!

Obama the Dictator

2009-08-07T17:30:00.003-05:00

So now Obama-rama wants me and you to snitch on our friends and family if we hear them criticizing his health care plan, or if they blog or email about it.

<---Well that was a tactic this dude used when he took over. What next, peoples start disappearing in the night?

Well I don't want to give King Hussein of D.C. credit for being as swift as Stalin. Only as communistic and maybe more audacious.

I hear he's sending out union thugs to tea parties and town hall meetings to intimidate participants. And he's wanting to change FTC regulations to put conservative radio talk show hosts out of business.

In short, he wants to oppress any opposition in the media. Where else? The downtown coffee shops? In church? In your home?

Well I'm putting this out on my blog and inviting anyone who wants to to snitch on me. Just give them this URL to my blog www.dmac-dmacsblog.blogspot.com.

Well I WANT them to see it.

Tell you what. You do it too. Criticize King Hussein of D.C.'s health plan on your blogspot. Give them something to do. Lets saturate the whole system with it. Get your friends and family, even your enemies, to do the same thing.

Gratitude on the Fourth

2009-07-05T05:27:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was the 4th of July, Independence Day. I spent 5 hours volunteering in the kitchen of our local homeless shelter. As a result of me popping off at the mouth in Sunday school when Lynn requested kitchen help on Saturdays (note to self--check mouth).
I went in from 10:00am - 1:00pm and sliced watermelon, potatos for potato salad, pickles and onions. Lynn pretty much runs the kitchen from top to bottom even though it's someone else's job. She's in there 14 hours a day on weekends and that's too much. If she's not in there I won't know what to do next.
There's a large fellow Stan who is a resident, works the kitchen and he's friendly enough but he's not going to tell me what to do next. He just carries on like I'm not there. A black dude, Charles, resides there and does kitchen work but he won't speak to me at all. Another black dude, Terry, is really nice and compliments me but he doesn't stick around.
I dished out food for, I dunno, 50 men for lunch and there was a lot of gratitude there. I've been wanting to do that for a couple years and yesterday I did it.
Came home for awhile and went back in at 5. This time we had about 70 - 80 for dinner and they got chicken, corn on cob, beans, potato salad and bread. We were 20 minutes late but there was no hootinanny from the residents. They get some piddly portions and no complaints. They are allowed seconds though and maybe thirds. And dessert.
A couple of residents volunteer to wash dishes and seem content to do it.
I didn't see any sourpuss attitudes from any of these guys.
The sleeping quarters is adjacent to the kitchen and it's cramped. My church just built a larger wing to the building and 50 more bunks will be added later.
It was an experience. I learned a lot about gratefulness for what little I've got.

Back In The Day

2009-06-06T13:00:00.004-05:00

This is one of those "back in my day" stories that tends to send people running the other direction. But now that I'm 50 I tend to drift back in time to simpler days.
I am from a small east Texas town know worldwide for incarcerating and sometimes disposing of our nation's criminals. But that's not what this is about.
Except for that my early years were much like Leave It To Beaver. My mom and dad moved there in 1955 (I think) so he could start a career as minister for the penitentiary system. That was a career that lasted 30 years and took our family to many different units to live in on-site duplexes, one apartment building and one old grey house that I loved and still have my happiest memories. So therefore I grew up in childhood with a state pen in my backyard, frontyard or side yard.
Outside of that, it was just an ordinary small town. There is also a moderately sized university there. I worked on the maintainance department there from 1980 - 1987. More on that later.
Back in the '60s our neighborhood was like what you saw on tv. Full of kids of different ages. After dinner (which for us was always at 5 no matter what) it was time to go outside and fool around. We would do that until nightfall.
When it was time to go in, it was bathtime, some tv and then bed. The fog horns would go off at the penitentiary behind us and I still remember that haunting sound. We lived in a old big grey house just down from the unit with wooden floors and wallpaper. Behind us was the rodeo arena where once a year the unit would throw a prison rodeo that drew thousands from all around. They would sort of camp out all up and down the street and around our house on blankets. Vendors would line the streets selling popcorn, hotdogs, cotton candy and such.
My dad woul walk me the hundred yards to the state pen and take me in so inmate trustees would cut my hair. The only thing I hated about that was they would cut it so short and toss lard all in it at a time when the Beatles were the fashion.
And shopping: In those days my mom would take me shopping on the square, that's where everything was. There was a J C Pennies with wooden floors and when a sale was made the invoice was placed in a wire basket and run for many yards to an old geezer up on the balcony, where he would keep a copy and run the costumer's copy back down the same drag line.
Also was a shoe store, a drugstore and across from those two a coffee shop where my dad would get with the fellers and drink coffee and start trouble. He was good friends with the man who owned the shoestore, I only knew him as 'Rodge' as that's all my dad would ever refer to him, and the drugstore owner, Mr. Goolsby.
All the bustle seemed to be downtown. It was smalltown life in the '60s before WalMart and the like would send everything out to the hightway. I'm glad to have been a part of it.

Robert Mitchum

2009-05-22T17:07:00.004-05:00

I'm a big fan of the late actor Robert Mitchum. I wonder why. I guess because nowadays there's no big, real man actors out there. Nowadays all that passes for male stars are wimps and geeks like Brad Spitt Johnny Depp or Hugh Downey (??) and what not.

My dad never liked Mitchum because, according to him, he had a "nothing face". Well that "nothing face" was Mitchum's best asset. It made him into a film noir (google it) type actor. But also it gave him an excuse to have this lah-de-dah image to push to the media, sort of like Dean Martin did.

Mitchum's life in reality was a B movie. His father died when he was 2. He got kicked out of more schools for brawling that I've owned shoes. At 14 he wound up on a chain gang. But he also wrote poetry. He wrote plays for a local theater where he worked as a stagehand. He took to the vagabond life on the road where he met his future wife, then worked at Lockheed where the job stress cause him temporary blindness. He actually did ghostwriting for a traveling astrologer. He was an amateur boxer, where he admits he got good and whipped.

After he got big, he got into singing and recording. His specialty was Calypso music. He recorded numerous albums, and sometimes his own voice was subbed for the pro actors in his movies.

Here is a consorium of his famous quotes. Courtesy of quotelucy.com.

There just isn`t any pleasing some people. The trick is to stop trying.
Sure I was glad to see John Wayne win the Oscar ... I`m always glad to see the fat lady win the Cadillac on TV, too.
I never changed anything, except my socks and my underwear. And I never did anything to glorify myself or improve my lot. I took what came and did the best I could with it.
I`ve still got the same attitude I had when I started. I haven`t changed anything but my underwear.
I kept the same suit for six years - and the same dialog. We just changed the title of the picture and the leading lady.
When asked what he looked for in a script before accepting a job, he said, "Days off."
I started out to be a sex fiend but couldn`t pass the physical.
I`ve survived because I work cheap and don`t take up too much time.
Where are the real artists? Today it`s four-barreled carburettors and that`s it. (1967)
I gave up being serious about making pictures around the time I made a film with Greer Garson and she took a hundred and twenty-five takes to say no.
I never will believe there is such a thing as a great actor. (1948)
People think I have an interesting walk. Hell, I`m just trying to hold my gut in.
I came back from the war and ugly heroes were in.
Asked his opinion of the Vietnam War in 1968: "If they won`t listen to reason over there, just kill `em. Nuke `em all."
When Mitchum, who served time for marijuana possission, was asked what it was like in jail, he replied, "It`s like Palm Springs without the riff-raff."
I have two acting styles: with and without a horse.
You know what the average Robert Mitchum fan is? He`s full of warts and dandruff and he`s probably got a hernia too, but he sees me up there on the screen and he thinks if that bum can make it, I can be president.
Movies bore me; especially my own.
When asked why in his mid-sixties he took on the arduous task of starring in an 18-hour mini-series "The Winds of War" (1983) (mini): "It promised a year of free lunches."
Every two or three years, I knock off for a while. That way I`m always the new girl in the whorehouse
Listen. I got three expressions: looking left, looking right and looking straight ahead. (on his acting talents)

This Past Weekend

2009-05-17T21:03:00.002-05:00

This past week was about like all the rest. Real pain in the back. I told my chiro to discontinue the accupuncture because it just wasn't working. In fact I am worse the next day.
Yesterday (Saturday) I quit taking the prescription water pills (maxzide) and started with the all natural water pills I got from the health food store. My back and neck pain are almost all gone. I wonder if that trend will continue. I think the maxzide was aggravating my neck and back pain.

In church, I went to my old church and Sunday school. I expressed to my single's SS class that I'm disgusted with the liberal slant the Methodist denomination is getting into. I told them I'm gonig to a non-denominational church on the sly. I actually went there after SS.
I got a word of encouragement from a missionary gal who used to go to said non-denom church. She said that if God is leading me there that I should go for it. I'm not ready quite yet. I will continue to experiment and explore.

This Past Weekend

2009-05-11T18:34:00.002-05:00

I went to the mall and walked around everywhere, from one end to the other and even the second floor of Dillard's. Ostensibly to find a nice cowboy shirt, or equivelant, to wear for special occasions. Fat chance of finding anything like that anymore, because it's all gangsta material and whatnot. And knit shirts. I hate knit shirts and wouldn't be caught dead in one.
Back in the good old Huntsville days of my youth a person could go to a big store called Weiner's and get anything. I miss those days.
While at the mall I had a strawberry Icee and a big cookie sandwich. That cost me $5.48. A person could find a shirt at Weiner's for that price.
I visited a non-denominational church which, the singles group was fine, but the service was in a big airplane hanger sized auditorium. The service and music was good but I want to worship in a CHURCH and not a warehouse.
Dunno. More thought on this.

2009-05-09T10:43:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted for awhile.
Last week showed more improvement in my balance. I hope it's the l-lysine treatment. I had fried chicken yesterday and it hasn't caused any disturbance, as of yet. Maybe tomorrow? REAL COFFEE EVERYDAY!
My back is maybe a tad bit better. I had accupuncture again on Thursday and yesterday was terrible. That's twice that's happened. Maybe it's just a temporary reaction as the nerves adjust and rebalance the muscles, I dunno.

I want to explore other churches in the next couple weeks. There's a non-denominational church about 2 miles from here. I'll think I'll try that tomorrow, if I'm not obviously off-balance.
We'll see how it goes. I will miss my usual church.

2009-05-02T12:03:00.003-05:00

There was a We The People rally on the square today from 10:00 - 12:00 am. There weren't enough people there for me, but it was a good start. This is just the beginning. Let's hope it spreads and catches on like wildfire across the country, gaining more power to fight the new despotism.

www.the912project.com

www.GAWTP.com

Reality Check

2009-04-27T17:14:00.002-05:00

I've been doing good the past few weeks and even started blowing my diet. I even started drinking real coffee 3 weeks ago and have drank a cup everyday for 3 weeks.
I got a wakeup call yesterday, Sunday, when I was so off balance that I had to stay home from church.
I was really nervous because it's a type of off balance I've only had once. That was Nov. 10, 2007--the day my Meniere's came out of remission and made me miserable for a full year.
I'm much better today, starting in the afternoon, and almost back to normal so I can relax.
I had a catfish dinner from Catfish King Friday night and ate the whole thing. That may have pushed it too far also.
BUT this is interesting---> I never had a vertigo attack at all. Just topheavy. Yesterday or today. Heads up.

2009-04-12T14:41:00.003-05:00

Great Easter Sunday today. Great music at both traditional and contemporary services. I thought I would post some pics from the contemporary. The pics are from my cell phone camera which is a really inferior camera.

Azalea Trail 2009

2009-03-29T12:43:00.001-05:00

2009-03-29T12:03:00.000-05:00

2009-03-29T07:58:00.001-05:00

2009-03-29T07:34:00.001-05:00

2009-03-28T18:10:00.001-05:00

2009-03-28T17:53:00.000-05:00

2009-03-28T17:38:00.000-05:00

2009-03-28T17:23:00.000-05:00

2009-03-28T17:08:00.000-05:00

2009-03-28T16:53:00.000-05:00

The Past Week

2009-03-22T16:28:00.002-05:00

The past week was challenging but I didn't bail out of anything.
Balance issues re-emerged, this time they came with little or no warning. Very anxiety provoking. I blame it on a variety of things, seems I change my mind every day. Maybe diet failure. Maybe pinched nerves in the neck, and I'm leaning towards that.
But I think it's mostly allergies. The pollin is so thick everywhere, on my rear car window so thick I couldn't wipe it off. It just swished around.
Zyrtec helps.
I made the Wed. nite dinner and Bible study, so good to eat fried chicken I've had so little of it. Did a workout in the fitness room yesterday morning. Did something after that, I don't remember what.
Made church today, all of it.
I'd like to go photograph the azalea trail but it's just too pollinish out there and my allergies will kick in and more balance symptoms.
That's it for this week.

Oops

2009-03-18T19:42:00.002-05:00

I was reminded today that I can't play fast and loose with my diet. Yesterday for dinner I had a meal prepared by the deli where I work. Chopped steak with gravy, macaroni and cheese, and carrots with green beans. I dispensed with the green beans because I despise those anyhow. I have no way of knowing how much sodium is in something like that.
Today I had a variety of dizzy attacks accompanied by nystagmus. Not the dreaded vertigo that drags me helplessly to the floor, but I do have to be still till it goes away which is only a couple minutes.
I took a dizzy pill, aka meclazine hydrochloride, and went right on to Wed. nite church dinner with my little old lady friends, and followed through with Bible study. I wasn't defeated.
I try not to take many meclazines because it interferes with brain compensation but I don't get this much anymore.

l-lysine

2009-03-11T21:48:00.002-05:00

Could this be true? Could this be it? Over in Japan studies show a link between Meniere's disease and herpes virus. The way they study this is with autopsies. An MRI or CAT scan can't detect herpes attachment to the inner ear. Autopsies reveal herpes attachment to the cochlear structures in the inner ear of Meniere's patients.

L-lysine is a cheap, OTC non-prescription substance available at all grocery stores, drugstores, Walmart, wherever. It is an amino acid, something we have in our bodies anyhow. Taken in large doses it can suppress the replication of herpes. I have been taking large doses (3000 mg a day) on an empty stomach since mid-December. I think I am experiencing improvement. No major attacks. Since the first of March only small off balance spells. I am eating Big Macs and Fries, Whoppers and fries with no after effects. Last Sunday after church I ate in an Italian restaurant with my singles group, spaghetti with meatballs and mushrooms and it was very sodiumish. No after effects. I have put on 7 1/2 pounds. Maybe I am onto something.

I have been screwed before. I hope it doesn't happen again. I never thought it was herpes. Hopefully it is and hopefully I can eliminate or greatly reduce symptoms and get my old life back.

Pipeorgan Concert

2009-03-01T20:09:00.006-06:00

I went to the pipeorgan concert put on by our new organist today. She's from Chicago and she is a rare talent. I missed the first selection because I was a little late, but I heard her play through Bach's Prelude & Fugue in D Major. She did some variations on a hymn, and then Samuel Barber's levitating Adagio For Strings. For this she attached a digital device to the organ to enhance the sound of the pipes. She concluded with Vierne's Symphony # 1 with the fiery and thundering Finale that rattled everything. She really knows how to squeeze everything out of our instrument. Glad I went.

I missed church so it was nice to go out to this. A good packed house for it too.

Praise the Lord.

Downtown

2009-02-22T15:35:00.000-06:00

The Latest

2009-02-21T18:16:00.002-06:00

It's been a good week. We got busier at work, which aggravates me but we need to be busy. It has been too slow.
I made it to the featured seminars in church today, called First Steps. Four seminars to choose from. I went to Jesus and Stress Management, which was interesting but I didn't quite learn anything. The second was internet security and identity theft. That was a bit over my head but I can read the material later.
We had a continental breakfast I had a HUGE cinnamon roll and fruit, and oj. For lunch, a baked potato and soup. Careful with the soup.
Home and nap, watch some TV.
May make church tomorrow, I hope.

2009-02-15T20:48:00.003-06:00

After church I thought I'd swing around to downtown and see the old historic downtown square building that was gutted out by fire 3 weekends ago. I took a pic of it with my cell phone camera.

Cause of the fire is still officially undetermined.

The Past Week

2009-02-15T20:44:00.002-06:00

The past week was unremarkable, except I made the Wed. nite church dinner again. I was unable to do the Bible study because my neck was hurting too much. I did the Wed. nite dinner with an ice pack on my neck.
I skipped church today but made Sunday school. I had to twist my own arm just to do that. I wanted to stay home. It was worth it to go though.
I gave Katheryn A. my cell phone number and she called me this evening to ask if I was in church because she didn't see me. I got a feeling if she doesn't see me she's going to give me a call. She said if I don't make church I'd better at least put a dummy with my clothes on in the back row.
That's okay though. She's my sweetie. They don't make them like that anymore

Last Week

2009-02-07T03:24:00.002-06:00

Superbowl Sunday I went to the church single's superbowl party at Steve's house in Flint. It was swell. I ate stuff I prolly had no business eating. I had a hot dog, a person has to have those.
I maybe regretted it the following Monday. I had a wild ride in the afternoon. A spell hit, it was fairly big, I had to hang on a few seconds. Really, that was the last big one I had for the whole week.
My shoulders and neck were hurting Wednesday so I went in after work for a massage. Then I went to the Wed. nite dinner at the church, the first time in a year. I didn't eat anything because I wasn't signed up, but I sat with my "fan club" a bunch of sweet little old ladies from the Century Class. Katheryn A. is my favorite. Afterwards I sat with them in the auditorium for the pastor's Bible study, a packed house. Though I was in pain, it was swell to sit with her while she shared her large print Bible with me througout. What a great evening. I hope I can do that again next week.
I was in good shape Thursday and Friday. Friday I went to the chiro and he popped my bad back. Three vertebra wrenched loose, I let out with a "Sh*t!" and my feet went up into the air, boy that hurt but it sure loosened up my back. Now it's prolly locked up again. That's just how it goes.
Still a pretty good week.

No Coward Soul Is Mine by Bronte

2009-01-25T18:53:00.003-06:00

No Coward Soul Is Mine

a poem by Emily Bronte

No coward soul is mine, No trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere:

I see Heaven's glories shine, And Faith shines equal, arming me from Fear.

O God within my breast, Almighty, ever-present Deity!

Life, that in me has rest, As I, undying Life, have power in Thee!.

Vain are the thousand creeds That move men's hearts: unutterably vain;

Worthless as withered weeds, Or idlest froth amid the boundless main,

To waken doubt in oneHolding so fast by Thy infinity, So surely anchored onThe steadfast rock of Immortality.

With wide-embracing love Thy Spirit animates eternal years,Pervades and broods above,Changes, sustains, dissolves, creates, and rears.

Though earth and moon were gone,

And suns and universes ceased to be,And Thou wert left alone,Every existence would exist in Thee.

There is not room for Death, Nor atom that his might could render void:

Thou -Thou art Being and Breath,

And what Thou art may never be destroyed.

On Death by John Keats

2009-01-24T05:37:00.001-06:00

On Death

By John Keats

Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream, And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by? The transient pleasures as a vision seem, And yet we think the greatest pain's to die.

How strange it is that man on earth should roam, And lead a life of woe, but not forsake His rugged path; nor dare he view alone His future doom which is but to awake.

Outrunning The Rest

2009-01-24T05:00:00.004-06:00

A couple of weekends ago I read on the online version of my hometown newspaper that someone I went to school with while growing up passed away. He wasn't anyone I cared about, just one of the rednecks who gave me a hard time for not being good at sports, which I got a lot of, as if sports means so much that the totality of the person should be judged. That's how it is in Texas anyway.

But anyhow, that brings to about 16 the number of people who have slipped under that I went to school with. That may not be a large number but it seems to be a significant amount. I know of only how some of them died. One when his car failed to negotiate a curve. One from aids. One died in prison after being convicted of double capital murder. One killed himself when police came to get him after he killed someone in a drug deal, ironically, outside my old high school.

But I have survived. With all my troubles (none of which are life threatening) I can still enjoy life, if I'm not to dizzy to get out and do something.

Here is a list of those who didn't make the finish line:

Robert W.

Curvey H.

Dwayne T.

Mike P.

Mark Y.

Mark B.

Paul B.

Vernon H.

Susan C.

Don B. (maybe)

Mark T.

Wyatt O.

Art G.

Jimmy C.

Jimmy C. (different from above)

John K.

Rosemary A.

2009-01-18T12:15:00.000-06:00

2009-01-18T12:07:00.002-06:00

2009-01-18T12:03:00.001-06:00

description of life with meniere's

2009-01-15T17:55:00.001-06:00

This graphic description of life with meniere's was submitted to a meniere's resource website by an anonymous sufferer.

Patient 4Female, Age 32, 22 year history of symptoms.Life with Meniere's Disease : Before you judge me on one of my good days, you need to understand what one of my bad days is like.
Tinnitus - imagine having a headache caused by a fire alarm ringing or a bee buzzing in your ear continually for a long period of time. You can't hear anything but that fire alarm or bee - It drowns everything else out.
Vertigo - Now imagine yourself as really drunk or with the flu at the same time as the fire alarm is going off. Now imagine that with these two things, you'd be dumb enough to get on one of the super roller coasters that does loop-de-loops or the amusement park rides that spin in two different directions at the same time. I'm not that dumb, but unfortunately I have no choice in feeling these sensations.
During one of these vertigo attacks that can last from several minutes to several hours if not days. I can't keep food or water down, I can't walk, and in order to get out of bed to go to the bathroom, I have to crawl like a baby on my hands and knees. The movement makes me so ill, if I'm able to crawl back to bed, I'm covered in sweat from exhaustion. Otherwise, I keep a pillow and a blanket at the bottom of a linen closet in the bathroom so that I can pass out lying across the bathroom floor. I end up sleeping for days after one of these attacks, only getting out of bed to go to the bathroom or to get something to drink, if I think I can keep it down. I have to call my family to see what day it is when I wake up. That is, if I can hear.
You see, this disease while playing havoc with your balance and equilibrium, also reeks havoc with your hearing. It wouldn't be so bad if the hearing loss was constant and predictable. But no, one day I can hear conversation fairly OK, and the next I can be virtually deaf, then the next day I can hear again. The hearing loss can fluctuate, but is usually progressive, and many with the disease end up severely hard-of-hearing or deaf.
Even on a daily basis, your mind is so confused by the signals its getting from your ears that your balance sucks. You run into things constantly because you can't balance well enough to avoid walking into things, or your mind is telling you the object is a couple of inches from where it really is. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when someone teases me about being such a klutz. I could make the Keystone Cops look graceful.
I also have days that my coordination just doesn't seem to be together. I'm carrying something, and all of the sudden I drop it because my brain seems confused as to whether my hand is really attached to my body. I sometimes miss a step and fall because of the feeling that my legs are not quite part of me and I have to focus on them to realize they are there. Apparently this happens because the part of your brain that recognizes parts of your body as belonging to you is the parietal brain lobe and it sits right above your ear, so if the nerves around your ear are inflamed, it can press on this part of the brain, or send the wrong signals to it (I'm not quite sure which), and you can lose coordination.
Ironically, the few high frequencies I don't seem to have a hearing loss in can sound extremely loud, unbearably so. When a baby cries, an alarm goes off, or a microphone gives off feedback, I'd be willing to climb up a wall to get away if I thought I could make it. This symptom is called recruitment.
The disease also plays tricks on your vision. For some strange reason, the nerve that goes from your inner ear to your brain also controls some of your eye movement. Your eyes can twitch or bounce constantly, making focusing on objects, much less print, extremely difficult at times. Your eyes tend not to be able to "track" movement at the same speed, giving you double vision, and a bad headache.
You can get confused easily and your memory and concentration aren't reliable. It's what some people with the disease refer to as "brain fog". Many of them originally were afraid that they may have a brain tumor or Alzheimer's because it can sometimes gets so bad. Finally they find either a doctor whose very knowledgeable regarding the symptoms, or they happen to ask someone else with the disease, and find that this too is a symptom of this blasted disease.
Now try to imagine living with this disease never knowing when one of these periods of tinnitus, vertigo, hearing loss, double vision, lack of coordination, recruitment, disequilibrium, or "brain fog" is going to hit, or how bad it will be. At least with being drunk or riding an amusement park ride, you know what's causing it, and you can make the choice not to do it again. With this disease, there's very little warning if any for these attacks, you don't know what's causing it, and there's no cure - only devices, surgeries, and some medications that can somewhat help alleviate the symptoms. And some of the surgeries are so radical, you think they came from a horror movie about a mad doctor. My ENT surgeon won't even perform any more surgery on my left side, since I have the disease in both ears. He's concerned about what would happen if my right side became worse than what my left side is now.
Understandably, anxiety and depression seem to go hand-in-hand with Meniere's for many sufferers. We often ask how much worse can this disease get? For some strange reason, doctors aren't very willing to give out worst case scenarios.
Now decide if you think I'd be able to do the same things you do on as punctual and regular of a schedule. For me, there's no way. I'm being up front about my limitations. I try the best I can at living up to my full potential. Could if you were in my shoes? They think now that Van Gogh suffered from this disease, and he cut off his own ear trying to escape it.
Yet on my not-so-bad days I may look like a totally healthy, able-bodied person. You ask me "why can't you bend down - pick it up - lift it - drive - get a job - walk without a cane" Its because I know these things can either bring on an attack - I couldn't do them on a regular schedule because of the symptoms - or if I did do them, I could put myself and others in jeopardy if I should have an attack. You have to realize that with my friendship, love, dedication, and loyalty comes the fact that I can't decide when I'm going to have a bad day, and the more stress I'm under, the more likely I will have a bad day.
So, please don't judge me unless you've been in my shoes."

Sonshine

2009-01-14T20:58:00.002-06:00

Sunshine
by DMAC
In the Morning the Sunshine bathes the stone of his grave,
swathing away the cool dew of the night and the critters of the surrounding wood.
In the noontime the Sunshine nourishes the grass and brings life to the green
that soon will blanket his sanctuary of eternal rest.
And in the evening the Sunshine softens its light to gentle orange,
peeping from behind the surrounding wood to take one last protective glance
of him as he becomes one with God's creation.
And at night the Sunshine bides its time, giving him a nocturne cool, and a symphony
of cricket, froggy and toadie comic relief,
To once again, in the Morning, swath away the morning dew.
While his soul rejoices in the Heavenly realm
With the One True Sonshine that never sets.

composed two days after my dad's funeral

2009-01-11T16:54:00.000-06:00

I stayed home from church today because I felt a big tired and off balance. Good thing because at 11:40 am I was in bed when an attack hit, a small one, I grabbed the sides of the bed and everything visually spun counterclockwise, as is the fashion. I was disappointed because I had been doing so good.

I want to blame it on the stress I went thru yesterday morning after I had lost my wallet and checkbook. I went thru 5 hours of sheer distress turning my apartment and car upside down repeatedly. Finally before noon my neighbor knocked on my door and returned them, she found them under my car in the street. They had fallen out of my pocket as I was coming in at the end of the Friday before.

Also, I had some allergy issues, taken a Zyrtec, allergies and some meds can cause attacks. We are getting 30 degree differentials in the weather. Also I had blown my diet Friday evening with a Taco Bell beef burrito supreme, I'm not supposed to eat that kind of stuff. But sometimes I like to test the disease.

I had another attack after dinner while watching the ballgame. This one was pretty spontaneous, that's when it gets scary.

Well, that's how it goes. I will rest tonight and hope it is better throughout the week.

Turning 50

2009-01-10T06:52:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I turned 50. Doesn't feel so bad I guess. Although my body is like 80 in my head I'm still 20. Wish I could turn the clock back and start over, get more accomplished than what I've done. I've wasted so much of my life. I try to compensate more through church but my medical problem hinders even that. Wish I could sing in the choir, but there's always a chance of having an attack in the middle of everything, that would sure show up. Still there's a chance I guess.

Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard by Gray

2009-01-09T17:28:00.000-06:00

Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard by Thomas Gray

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day;
The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea;
The ploughman homeward plods his weary way,
And leaves the world to darkness and to me.
Now fades the glimmering landscape on the sight,
And all the air a solemn stillness holds,
Save where the beetle wheels his droning flight,
And drowsy tinklings lull the distant folds;
Save that, from yonder ivy-mantled tower,
The moping owl does to the moon complain
Of such as, wandering near her secret bower,
Molest her ancient solitary reign.
Beneath those rugged elms, that yew-tree's shade
Where heaves the turf in many a mouldering heap,
Each in his narrow cell for ever laid,
The rude forefathers of the hamlet sleep.
The breezy call of incense-breathing morn,
The swallow twittering from the straw-built shed,
The cock's shrill clarion, or the echoing horn,
No more shall rouse them from their lowly bed.
For them no more the blazing hearth shall burn,
Or busy housewife ply her evening care;
No children run to lisp their sire's return,
Or climb his knees the envied kiss to share.
Oft did the harvest to their sickle yield;
Their furrow oft the stubborn glebe has broke;
How jocund did they drive their team afield!
How bowed the woods beneath their sturdy stroke!
Let not ambition mock their useful toil,
Their homely joys, and destiny obscure;
Nor grandeur hear with a disdainful smile
The short and simple annals of the poor.
The boast of heraldry, the pomp of power,
And all that beauty, all that wealth e'er gave,
Awaits alike the inevitable hour:
The paths of glory lead but to the grave.
Nor you, ye proud, impute to these the fault,
If memory o'er their tomb no trophies raise,
Where through the long-drawn aisle and fretted vault
The pealing anthem swells the note of praise.
Can storied urn or animated bust
Back to its mansion call the fleeting breath?
Can honour's voice provoke the silent dust,
Or flattery soothe the dull cold ear of death?
Perhaps in this neglected spot is laid
Some heart once pregnant with celestial fire;
Hands that the rod of empire might have sway'd,
Or waked to ecstasy the living lyre:
But knowledge to their eyes her ample page,
Rich with the spoils of time, did ne'er unroll;
Chill penury repressed their noble rage,
And froze the genial current of the soul.
Full many a gem of purest ray serene
The dark unfathomed caves of ocean bear;
Full many a flower is born to blush unseen,
And waste its sweetness on the desert air.
Some village Hampden, that with dauntless breast
The little tyrant of his fields withstood,
Some mute inglorious Milton, here may rest,
Some Cromwell, guiltless of his country's blood.
Th' applause of listening senates to command,
The threats of pain and ruin to despise,
To scatter plenty o'er a smiling land,
And read their history in a nation's eyes,
Their lot forbade: nor circumscribed alone
Their growing virtues, but their crimes confined;
Forbade to wade through slaughter to a throne,
And shut the gates of mercy on mankind;
The struggling pangs of conscious truth to hide,
To quench the blushes of ingenuous shame,
Or heap the shrine of luxury and pride
With incense kindled at the Muse's flame.
Far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife
Their sober wishes never learned to stray;
Along the cool sequestered vale of life
They kept the noiseless tenor of their way.
Yet ev'n these bones, from insult to protect,
Some frail memorial still erected nigh,
With uncouth rhymes and shapeless sculpture decked,
Implores the passing tribute of a sigh.
Their name, their years, spelt by the unlettered Muse,
The place of fame and elegy supply;
And many a holy text around she strews,
That teach the rustic moralist to die.
For who, to dumb forgetfulness a prey,
This pleasing anxious being e'er resigned,
Left the warm precincts of the cheerful day,
Nor cast one longing lingering look behind?
On some fond breast the parting soul relies,
Some pious drops the closing eye requires;
Ev'n from the tomb the voice of nature cries,
Ev'n in our ashes live their wonted fires.
For thee, who, mindful of the unhonoured dead,
Dost in these lines their artless tale relate;
If chance, by lonely contemplation led,
Some kindred spirit shall inquire thy fate,
Haply some hoary-headed swain may say:
"Oft have we seen him at the peep of dawn
Brushing with hasty steps the dews away,
To meet the sun upon the upland lawn;
"There, at the foot of yonder nodding beech
That wreathes its old fantastic roots so high,
His listless length at noontide would he stretch,
And pore upon the brook that babbles by.
"Hard by yon wood, now smiling as in scorn,
Muttering his wayward fancies he would rove;
Now drooping, woeful-wan, like one forlorn,
Or crazed with care, or crossed in hopeless love.
"One morn I missed him on the accustomed hill,
Along the heath, and near his favourite tree.
Another came; nor yet beside the rill,
Nor up the lawn, nor at the wood, was he.
"The next with dirges due, in sad array,
Slow through the church-way path we saw him borne,
Approach and read (for thou canst read) the lay
Graved on the stone beneath yon aged thorn."
THE EPITAPH
Here rests his head upon the lap of earth,
A youth to fortune and to fame unknown;
Fair science frowned not on his humble birth,
And melancholy marked him for her own.
Large was his bounty, and his soul sincere;
Heaven did a recompense as largely send:
He gave to misery (all he had) a tear,
He gained from Heaven ('twas all he wished) a friend.
No further seek his merits to disclose,
Or draw his frailties from their dread abode,
(There they alike in trembling hope repose,)
The bosom of his Father and his God.
-- Thomas Gray

FriDDAAYYYY!!!

2009-01-02T17:33:00.000-06:00

I'm outta there for the weekend.
I had balance problems today starting at noon. I had an attack, not the bad rotational type we all dread, but I sure had to hang on for a few seconds. Then my balance was shot the rest of the afternoon. Nystagmus, and hard to walk.
I was reminded that, for all the remedies both medical and non-medical, I still am not nor ever will have control over this illness.
But it's Friday. And the markets were up. The Dow went over 250 points. There is hope out there for the economy.
I think once Shrub is out of there, the country will have more confidence to go out and purchase. As long as folks in the country visualizes Shrub in office there will be no confidence to go out and purchase. Obama was not my choice, but a different face will help.
The first black president, also the first president younger than me. OUCH.
Mom fell and broke her hip the other day. Drat. And she was doing so much better after her problems earlier this summer. Now she will have to recupe from something else. It's not a bad break though and she should be up in 6 weeks, maybe.

about me

2009-01-01T15:30:00.000-06:00

Hello I am dmac. I am almost 50 and am a single straight Christian and live hand-to-mouth daily. I work in a small manufacturing business.
I suffer from Meniere's disease, an incurable and "idiosyncratic" illness with (officially) no known cause. Right now I am managing fairly well with it and can function with working and daily life.
I live in a fairly large town in East Texas between Dallas and Shreveport. It is pretty in this town, big enough to know a lot of people but still maintain a private life. There are easy ways to get away from it all here. There is a mall, a church on every corner, and a lot of natural foilage. Yearly events to look forward to. Traffic is a nightmare but I know how to deal.
I will utilize this blog to get my daily life and feelings a bit "out there" so I can share.
More later.

dmacsblog

Killough Massacre Sight

Through the Time Portal

Scottsville, Texas

Keep Your Seat

More Boomer Youtube Videos

Salad Days

Bach's St. Matthew Passion

Mary, please come home

Thank you Mary Travers

Favorite YouTube videos--Baby Boomers Only

Obama the Dictator

Gratitude on the Fourth

Back In The Day

Robert Mitchum

This Past Weekend

This Past Weekend

Reality Check

Azalea Trail 2009

The Past Week

Oops

l-lysine

Pipeorgan Concert

Downtown

The Latest

The Past Week

Last Week

No Coward Soul Is Mine by Bronte

On Death by John Keats

Outrunning The Rest

description of life with meniere's

Sonshine

Turning 50

Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard by Gray

FriDDAAYYYY!!!

about me